The Return of the Easter Bunny - Part II
A few days ago I brought you Part I of my super exciting easter egg review with the Easter Bunny. Here is Part II.
[snap, crackle, pop]
[sound of door slamming as Mr EB re-enters the room in a cloud of smoke]
KJ: Too bad about your bet, Mr Bunny? What has the tooth fairy won?
Mr EB: Who says she's won anything? It depends on whether little birdies get to talking. Doesn't it now? [stares very pointedly]
KJ: Err, quite, quite. Ahahaha. Errr, do you make your own eggs, Mr Bunny?
Mr EB: Hell no. I outsourced that years ago. You gotta specialise. Everyone knows that. I'm all about the delivery. I can deliver eggs like nobody's business.
KJ: Yes, I see. Well, let's start off with these Cadbury Turkish Delight eggs.
Mr EB: Righto, well these are your good safe solid option. Hard to go wrong. Cadbury chocolate is nice and familiar, most people have grown up with it. And most people like turkish delight. The ground's a bit shakier if you want to move to say, your mint chip. And with these you have the advantage of quantity. A lot of a little is always more, if you know what I mean.
KJ: I agree, they are delicious. But I can't help feeling that they're not very special. Really, you can eat this any old time of the year, just not in egg form. You'd be better off with just the cabury block wouldn't you. It's cheaper and you get more.
Mr EB: Hhhmphh [slightly affronted]. Well, you can look at it that way. If you're a cheapskate skinflint tightwad.
KJ: Aaah, well ummm... let's move on. How about this one, it's a Splashy Duck Beanie Ba...
Mr EB: [sharp intake of breath] [Mr EB sits frozen in his chair]
KJ: It is a duck and not a...a.....On second thought, maybe we'll just leave that one for now. [sounds of splashy duck being shoved behind a cushion]
KJ: Next, we have a....a.....ahhhhm.
Mr EB: What, what? Show me!!!! [sounds of an egg being placed on the table]
Mr EB: What the hell is that!!! [rather loudly]
KJ: It's a wombat egg from Pink Lady Chocolates. [rather miserably]
Mr EB: [springing forward in his chair] A wombat egg! A WOMBAT EGG!!!! @#%&*# wombats are trying to get in on my act now! As if those manky feather dusters weren't bad enough!! What the hell have wombats got to do with Easter!! What, they were taking a stroll through ancient Germany and bumped into some pagans or something!!!!
KJ: Well we Australians are very fond of our native animals and rabbits are an introduced pest that does a......lot.....of.... damage.
Mr EB: P....p......p..... [lots of heavy breathing and wildly glaring eyes]
KJ: I didn't mean.... it's not that....[sound of KJ squirming in her chair]
KJ: I know, let's try The Lindt Golden Bunny. [sounds of a wombat egg being whisked away and shoved down the back of a chair] Just look how beautiful it is. I don't know how anybody can resist it. [in a nervous rush]
Mr EB: Well that's because it is the epitomy of rabbithood. Sleek, handsome, elegant, refined and of the very highest quality and reputation. It doesn't get much better [very, very pointedly].
KJ: Oh yes. Quite, quite. I agree absolutely. Just gorgeous. Absolutely. Yes. He he.
KJ: Ahhh now, these are really interesting. Here's something new. On the right is a chocolate truffle in a real eggshell.
Mr EB: Aaah yes [voice softening]. Now this is exciting. It's taking easter eggs back to their roots, while still being fun. Noone's actually interested in getting boiled eggs after all. My Dad tried it one year.... disaster. Toddlers can get ugly. This is what easter is all about. [mumble]...birds....[mumble]... wombats....[mumble]...polar bears next...[mumble]...Himalayan dirt worms come on down....[mumble].
KJ: The one on the left there is a sugar coated egg. I don't actually know what's inside it. Shall we open it up and see.
Mr EB: Let me do the honours. [sound of a meat mallet smashing through an egg with more than necessary force]
KJ: Oh aaah thanks, very thorough job. Let me just put that away [sound of meat mallet joining splashy duck behind the cushions].
Mr EB: [muching and crunching] Well, I can't fault it on appearance. It looks just like a real egg. But that shell stuff is a bit hard on the old teeth.
KJ: I have to agree. [holding mouth in pain] Well Mr Bunny, that was our last egg.
Mr EB: Excellent, I've just got time to get down the TAB and put some bets on. I gotta hot tip on the fourth at Randwick. My second cousin's best friend's uncle is in with the rats that hang out behind the stables.
KJ: Oh right, well all the best with it. Thank you so much for doing this. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. Would you like to say anything to my readers.
Mr EB: Just remember, if you want the best, you want the BUNNY!
[sound of a door slamming. sound of a lighter snapping on and off. sound of paws pattering away]
[snap, crackle, pop]
So there you have it. I hope you enjoyed meeting the Easter Bunny as much as I did. Happy Easter everyone.